10 Things That Will Happen When London Reopens


One day — although possibly in the distant future — London will reopen. And on that day certain things are inevitable. Here are ten things that will happen when London reopens.

Rainy window

1. It’ll be on a rainy Monday

Even if it’s in August, this will happen.

2. We all stop talking to our neighbours once again

We purposefully erase their names from our memories. The only time we will have any desire to talk to them is to yell ‘could you keep it down’ through paper thin walls, although we don’t, as we’re just too British.

Look at that delightful queue. Image: Shutterstock

3. The queue for Madame Tussauds reappears overnight

Tourists gonna tourist.

Image: Shutterstock

4. We start complaining about the commute again

It’s only going to take one day before the novelty effect of someone invading our personal space wears off completely.

5. We have a long day at work and decide to have a quiet one in

Remembered that you were never much of a social butterfly in the first place? There must be something on Netflix that you didn’t manage to see during lockdown. Ooh what’s that? A seven hour special dedicated to Norwegian Salmon Fishing? Sounds gripping.

6. Pubs recoup their losses in one single night thanks to thirsty Londoners

Related: all those cunning businesses that started selling surgical masks when the crisis begun, immediately pivot to paracetamol and ibuprofen to nurse the nation’s hangover.

7. We all realise that we survived just fine for months without matcha lattes, so coffee shops stop selling them

See also spiced pumpkin lattes.

8. There are now at least four independent bakeries on every high street

Somewhere’s got to sell the gargantuan amounts of sourdough the city now produces.

9. We’ll catch a cold

Which is obviously vastly preferable to catching coronavirus, but still…

Cable car

10. The cable car remains empty

In all honesty, why bother reopening it?



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